Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Beer - "PUB mein RUB dikhta hai"

It is mentioned in bold on the lower end of the beer can that "Consuming alchohol is injurious to health". Kindly keep this statement in mind as you are reading this blog.
On a personal level, beer means a lot to me. When my entire social world comprising of my so-called friends leaves me mind f*****.perplexed,agitated and irritated due to their unjust and unpredictable ways of behaving with me, I rely on the often criticized hero called "Kingfisher Strong" to get me through the after math of the situation described in the previous line. It is not that consuming beer will magically make me stronger or rational or calm,glorifying the consumption of beer like the modern day version of the infamous Magic Potion that was drunk by the Gauls, but it just allows me to forget about the problems and focus more on their solutions. Had i not been intoxicated, I would , more often than not, let the problems tie me down and keep the solution waiting in queue just like the commuters waiting in the hot,sticky and poverty filled weather at Anderhi Station's ticket counter.

They say one should only drink for enjoyment and not during times of mental instability and emotional adversity. I refuse as well as would refute that notion by simply saying "F.O". If you are facing a difficult time in getting rid of thoughts that are constantly oscillating in your mind ,irrespective of the reason , then gulping down a can of beer can surely calm you down for some time and maybe give you the solution that could stop the bombardment of thoughts that were revolving in your head. Notice that i mentioned "A CAN OF BEER", thus laying impetus on the quantity of beer to be consumed. Obviously you would be knighted as DevD if you consume large quantities of beer as if you had entered an "ALL YOU CAN DRINK BEER FEST" at some bar with a liquor enticing tag name like "Peena isi ka naam hai" or "Peene ke hai Chaar char din, baaki sab hangeover".

But there is no doubt that when your among friends and really wanna freak out , a can of beer can surely give you that initial thrust of FUN that would last the entire evening which could result in a lot of verbal assaults,physical activities and name calling.A very harmless scenarion until the "SOMEBODY GONNA GET A HURT REAL BAD" scene is reached. In my case i end up being the bakra who everyone teases and associates with certain girls whom i had said "Hi" to during the college days. Lame,but i suppose thats what entertains the crowd.

Once i was high on beer and i had taken a Virar fast train from churchgate in order to reach Andheri.Had i been sober i would have peed in my pants thinking of taking a virar fast in the first place.Anyway, The train was absolutely crowded and mobility seemed to be a distant dream at the time, but only because i was drunk, i did not think of the fact that i might not be able to get down at Andheri and instead I pushed,pulled and Maneuvered myself towards the exit and got out at Andheri.I had to face a lot of abuses and punches whilst coming out,but thats a different story altogether.I am dead sure i would not have been able to pull it off had i been sober.

My favourite form of beer is when it comes straight out of the barrel and goes right into my mouth. Obviously there are activities in betwen that are immaterial but yes....the important thing is that i got to relish and savour the taste of smooth,rich and beautiful beer. In reality the taste of beer is bitter in comparison to other aerated drinks. Initially i didnt like the bitterness but after few days of consuming beer, i fell in love with that taste and the rest as they say is HISTORY. There is a saying in hindi that "Sach kadwa hota hai", translated in english as "The truth is bitter".Lets apply a little arithmetic over here,
Beer = Bitter in Taste
Truth = Bitter
End result: Beer = Truth (I know some nerds might want to rubbish this equation.They can go drink the milk coming from Parsi Dairy as far as i am concerned)
They say the only universal truth is "Death". I wish to add that even "Beer" could be acknowledged as the other "UNIVERSAL TRUTH".

Even though i have higly glorified and promoted beer in this blog, thus making Mr M of the Bangalore IPL team even more happy post his team's loss in the final, I also affirm that it should not be had in large quantities and also not on a daily basis.
"OOO LA LA LA LA OO LE O"

Saturday, September 13, 2008

THE RETURN OF THE LYRICAL GANGSTA:

Guess who's back..back again...yup you guessed it right...its Metallica,with a new album...wooohoo!!!!! Since my metal idols have released their new album with a bang i thought maybe its my time to come back with a bang.....in the field of blogging that is.Lets hope i still got the skill to thrill with my telephone bill and i know ya want ta kill (ME) coz...this line was really lame heheheh..


Getting serious now......I feel i made one of the biggest mistakes of my life by not blogging earlier on.The past 1 year for me has been nothing short of a rollercoaster ride.I have endured so much,learnt so much,comtemplated so much and so much more,I suppose I would have written a novel by now keeping the past year in mind.

The highlight of the past whole year for me has been.....drum roll pls...drdrdrdrdrdrdrdrrdrdrdrr dhish...."COMPANY-X”
COMPANY-X -- The TAJMAHAL,THE PLAYBOYMANSION AND THE LORDS STADIUM OF THE IT WORLD. The company where dreams come true...the institution that provides every aspiring IT enthusiast a sure shot ticket to stardom and beyond.I have had the privilege of being trained at COMPANY-X for 6 months and now working for COMPANY-X as a proud employee(Hey they are paying me money man....maine is company ka namak khaya hai lol).

For me COMPANY-X has been a journey of self-discovery......more like self-destruction. You know the feeling of being out of place or being in a place where u really don’t belong and yet you have to be there due to certain forced upon/external factors that you cannot compromise with,simply because you possess certain virtues and values that disallow you to think otherwise.Well thats been my story....the thing that I had despised the most ended up being the thing I had to love with intense passion and dedication.....THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST FEELINGS IN THE WOLRD...LET ME REITERATE...THIS IS HONESTLY ONE OF THE WORST FEELINGS IN THE WORLD...Just think about it....its like SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY lol.....okay i have not seen that movie so i cannot assume any comical references to that lol.

There are 2 facets of my COMPANY-X experience that i would like to exhibit in my blog.One is the Academic torture and the other is the Emotional torture....choose your destiny,but as they say BEGGARS CANT BE CHOOSERS and in my case,i was that beggar who couldnt be given the honorable option to CHOOSE!!! All i got, was to CHOOSE(the hindi word) hehehhe i think the hindi knowing public got my drift lol.

Academically speaking,COMPANY-X training is one of the most mind fucking,frustating,intense piece of mental drilling ever seen on the face of this earth.You are academically embraced with lectures of dull and surprisingly diffident teachers (no doubt, some of them were excellent but "SOME" na....) and you are "pampered" with weekly tests that have the following liberties attached to them:
1.Negative Marking
2.Time Limits
3.One must score a minimum of DOT 65% in order to pass the test....The reason i exclaim the DOT is because even 64.99999999999% means that YOU HAVE FAILED!!!!!!....Na re baba,COMPANY-X isnt so heartless (YET), they give you chances to prove your worth in the form of retests...and oh yes! if u have failed 4 tests along with their respective retests then you are fired from the company...its somewhat like...STRIKE 1...STRIKE 2...STRIKE 3....STRIKE 4......YOUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRR OUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!...and maybe when some big shot HR is drunk,he/she migh just address u like DARTH VADER and say in a constipated low voice.. "YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME.....YOUNG COMPANY-XIAN!!!" and show you the door (yeah the doors are pretty fancy at COMPANY-X...along with all the architecture and infrastructure that is visible to the naked eye).

The line that best describes my own personal situation with respect to the COMPANY-X training which i am sure many of my other mates can agree upon was that ... COMPANY-X TRAINING WAS A STRUGGLE FOR SHEER SURVIVAL AND NOT EXCELLENCE!!!.....In the end,out of 120,around 80 folks only remained from our batch....(I am not sure about the statistics but u can well imagine the feeling of those mortals that were thrown out of COMPANY-X....the best part is that most of those that failed to clear the training were one of the most brightest students of their respective colleges and were very dedicated aswell).
On the other side there were some Einsteins that would rarely study and practically ace every test thrown at them.Kind of confusing right? You wonder whether the rest of the people struggling to pass were dumbfucks or whether those that passed effortlessly were highly gifted or maybe all of it was just plain old LUCK or maybe a combination of all the 3 lol....but one thing i can assure that MAJORITY of the people had to slog their asses off to survive it....if TV Channels are running out of REALITY SHOW ideas then just kindly make one on the training at COMPANY-X..you will surely be able to capture the genuine emotions of the students...from the euphoric moments of passing the tests and hugging everyone in sight to the extremely morose and gloomy moments of failure and not to forget the unadulterated MASTI that was a part of the lectures and social life that everyone will never forget till their last day on this planet.Oh and dont worry there will be plenty of bitching as well heheheh..thankfully i was not subjected to it first hand.

I am sure by now a negative impression of COMPANY-X has been successfully projected by me....MUHUHAHAHAHA! YAY I WIN!!!!!!!! LOL... No no,how can i be so inhuman.Let me also highlight some of the positive aspects of COMPANY-X.You see at COMPANY-X,they believe in a certain thing called "VALUES"....most probably the values one gives to the static variables whilst coding lol.Talking about Values....Customer satisfaction is COMPANY-X 's primary concern without which all of their efforts are in vain.....my only query is,WHAT THE HELL ABOUT THE INTERAL CUSTOMER SATISFACTION....Yes u read it right...The internal customers are the lot of disgruntled employees that are earning their daily bread by working their assess off at COMPANY-X .Most of the internal employees have standard complains like that of lack of growth in the company(professional growth/role changes),Salary appraisals,Need for Interesting/Challenging work ,Transfers to COMPANY-X DCs which are near their homes etc. and the response by the HRs to most of these complains are " XYZ issue is against COMPANY RULES AND POLICY..SO WE CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT" or a little more optimistic "We will look it and get back to you soon (Yeah by the time Himesh Reshamya starts singing DEATH METAL...that day will surely come).

But wait,Did i forget to mention about how much COMPANY-X loves its employees and wants to pamper them with modern recreational facilities like Theatres,Swimming pools,Sports facilities,Gyms so on and so forth.These are without a doubt world class facilities that are provided...i gotta hand it to them (genuinely)....BUT... They give us all the facilities BUT make us occupied day and night with some thing or the other...HOW THE HELL DO WE MAKE TIME FOR THESE DIVINE FACILITIES??? Time Management maybe the answer.....sure y not....lol

If this is not enough, COMPANY-X also provides world class,multi-cuisine and extremely hygienic food courts in every DC.I could write a lengthy synopsis of the food courts at COMPANY-X but i would rather just humbly say " COMPANY-X MEIN KHAO...KHUD JAAN JAO" heheheh. (I know i have been severely affected by this sensitive topic therefore to surprise my readers i will not rip apart Company-X on this matter lol...UNBELIEVABLE...BELIEVE IT lol)

As you might have clearly interpreted that i love COMPANY-X deeply... COMPANY-X gave me,a mere Mortal, the chance to discover many things...what those things are i am still trying to discover lol.
To be continued….

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

LIFE POST-BOARDS:

Cant believe how fast 2 months have passed since the board exams ended.I still remember doing all that programming in C sharp,all those lines of codes,those miserable double for loops,the torturous hours spent comprehending my java game project.....aah the misery!!! seemed like a never-ending saas bahu serial.

The initial phase of my vacations went in watching old school cartoons like He-Man and Thundercats......cant believe i was scared of MUM-RAH as a kid lol.

Oviously,most of my time throughout these vacations has been blissfully spent in guitar and drum playing.The two things that have become an inseperable part of my life.The passion and adrenaline that i get while playing songs either on guitar or drums reminds me of the goodold days where i had indulged myself in hardcore sports playing.There are people i know who are dedicated musicians but "HATE" sports and conversely sports players who feel that playing instruments is for pussies.Since i have had the pleasure of both worlds i can conclude that both Sports and Music are equivalent in terms of Passion and Fun.

In stark contrast to previous vacations,i have managed to read some funny and sci-fi novels like Ender's Dream-Orson Scott Card,Dilbert Series-Future,Dilbert Principle and the reading CONTINUES lol(suprisingly).
I was never an avid reader of books even though i was stuck in this "R.L.Stine" phase back in the late 90s..used to read a lot of books by that author whose genre was Horror.Management has been my subject of interest since the past year in my BScIT course hence reading a book which explains the funny intrecacies of management has been highly satisfying and entertaining(Yes books have managed "ENTERTAIN" me lol).An intangible benefit of reading is that it is improving the "BLACK HOLE" that is my Vocabulary lol.

Apart from the above mentioned activies.....i have manged to finally enjoy the PS2,playing with a human opponent is far more pleasurable than single player.Games like MK-Annh,BLC,NFS and WWE sm vs raw are solid fun to play.

A movie i managed to see at the theatres called Die Hard 4.0 really got my respect.After a long time a no-nonsense action movie has been made which has just the right amount of everything one would expect to see in an action movie.The wise-cracks,the stunts,the dialogues,the action scenes and thankfully the hero isnt a PUSSY who goes and talks mushy crap with his gf (like Spiderman).Bruce Willis ROCKS!!!

Ok enough blogging......its my vacations afterall and i dont intend doing any more NERDY activities like this lol...but like Arnie once said
"I'll be BAK"

Astalavista!!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

THE LYRICAL GANGSTA IS BACK..........finally the lazy moron from within gets up:


KUL-KAR-NI:

Total non stop action,retarded reaction,
brain is fucked and blown away
vociferous power,crushing the grey matter
Kulkarni is hunting the prey

Breaking all the boundaries
Lunacy has found me
Attending lecture of Kulkarni


Cacophononic aggression
infosys obsession
i want to kill the kulkarnii

Making me a zombie
kulkarni has bored me
KULKARNI
KUL-KAR-NI

Raping all the listeners,fucking non attenders
Reaching mental impotency
angry silence seekers,want to kill the teacher
contimplating harakiri

Breaking all the boundaries
Lunacy has found me
Attending lecture of Kulkarni


Cacophononic aggression
infosys obsession
i want to kill the kulkarnii

Making me a zombie
kulkarni has bored me
KULKARNI
KUL-KAR-NI


Circle of confusion,sripad words are crushing
mentalhouse of kulkarni
Torturing us truely,kicking ass like bruce lee
we cant take the kulkarni

Breaking all the boundaries
Lunacy has found me
Attending lecture of Kulkarni


Cacophononic aggression
infosys obsession
i want to kill the kulkarnii

Making me a zombie
kulkarni has bored me

KULKARNI
KU-LKAR-NIIIIIIIIIIIIIAHHHHHHHHH


No offence sir......we dont doubt your credibility and knowledge but our ear "drums" just dont get your "BEAT" lol.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

THE MOCUMENTARY RETURNS:


First week of college starts off with me being assigned the task of updating my documentary for the 3rd time in this year.Each time it is being updated to cater to a different section of people.....bhenchod kitna catering karu,mereko kya chef samajh rakha hain kya...i cant even make tea properly!
As usual the 2 damsels causing DISTRESS came over to my house to help me work on it lol.They "ENSURED" that i had a lovely time whilst working on this documentary....yup this statement says it all lol!
Moving on to other news,I started drumming after a gap of around 15 days or so.Must say! still havent lost my touch .... rolls are coming nicely,kickin the bass pedal hard and enjoying the crash cymbals oh yeahhhhhhhhh.
Moving onto other developments,On the 27th of this month,I bought an IBANEZ RG370DXBK electric guitar.....IT ROCKS!!!!!! 24 frets and an explosive whammy...yup ITS TIME TO ROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

Signing off in ...5....4....3....2....1.....1/2....1/4....0 lol!


Now listenign to -BATTERY by METALLICA!!!!!!!!! yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thursday, November 23, 2006

BOARD EXAMS:EK PREM KATHA(13-22/11/06):

System.out.println("THE BOARDS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!")


MsgBox "THE BOARDS ARE OVER!!!!!",VbOkOnly,"YEAHHHHHHHHHHH"

For the ignorant,i have incorporated JAVA and VB technology to exclaim the end of my board exams!!!

10 days,240 hours and 14,400 minutes of pain,misery,torture,mental brutality and technical fatality.No i am not talking about the amount of time it took me to write a blog but the duration of my less than ceremonious "BOARD EXAMS"!!

I have done it all.....mugging up fat books to coding till i drop!!, just to pass these exams and the only thing that awaits me are the results.Yeah the situation i am in is like a blind man hoping for light at the end of the tunnel....POINTLESS lol! Y pointless...coz regardless of how much effort i put into studies the end result is always BITCHY! lol

Anyways,Now i can look forward to some hardcore guitaring and drumming and sports!!! Yup being optimistic helps.......it helps as much as 1 dollar helps bill gates....lol in the words of the legendary and looney PORKY PIG..pdea pdea pdea THATS ALL FOLKS!!

Listening to- O SATHI RE- Kishore Kumar

Thursday, November 02, 2006

THE GANGSTA IS BACK:

Yeah i am back bitches!!!! Back to rant about the shit i go thru on a daily basis.Rant with subtle use of humour in order to excite my readers namely DISHIBOY and jobless mfers lol.

Although yesterday was a great day.My friend abhay bought a BOSS wah wah pedal man...oh man it was damn good...i played a bit of VOODOO CHILD on it and man Jimi would have come out of his grave to hear me play it hahaha( i wish).

Dishiboy or Alwaniman or Laudabrains or BhadwaBitch are the names that i will be giving a certain friend of mine in my future blogs....Yes bitch!!! Its u allright muhuhuhahahah!

Bhendi cant even write a freaking testimonial properly,"BASKET SAALA".

Last but not the LEAST i would like to end by saying that CHAPPAL has overstayed his welcome on the FEET of indian cricket.
"ITS TIME TO GET A NEW FORM OF FOOTWEAR!!!